An Open Letter

To anyone wondering, I don’t usually write lengthy essays on engaging and controversial subjects I merely express them over a cup of tea with a friend or two but I, after much time, have had enough.

Its 23:44pm. I left my job in a restaurant/bar, walked through the centre of a debatably street lit town 5 minutes ago and I am now sat in my car in tears. How, you ask? 3 encounters, in 5 minutes.

Encounter 1- your general idiot.

Two men on a bench wolf whistle me. “Hello sexy” “oi”, a second wolf whistle, “come back” “oi sexy” “are you ignoring us”. To put it frankly. Yes. Yes I am ignoring your nonchalant derogatory splurges which you happily beckon throughout the whole of town. Now don’t get me wrong, I pride myself with being a feisty redhead who, more often than not, stands up against injustice when it prevails. However, I had worked a total of 32 hours in one wonderful bank holiday weekend and had literally exhausted all fight left in me.

Encounter 2 - the creep.

Again two men (somehow I think they work in twos) watch me walk past them at a cash point, one nudges the other, then, they follow me down a path. Now you may say they were just going in the same direction as me, however, they left little space between my back and their fronts. Whispering to each other, which also, doesn't work when you’re a few inches from my own ear. “Should we ask her?” “Nah mate let’s just go *well known bar*”. They left me alone before I decided to turn around and bitch slap them with my rucksack.

Encounter 3 - the crude male.

Sometimes one drunk man alone, beer in hand, fag in another, is all that is needed for a disgraceful presentation of true Great British misogyny. “Hey love” “well aren’t you gonna come shag me then”. No, love, I will not. When did it become a ‘sexy & appealing’ thing for a man to plainly and somewhat brutally invite you to sleep with him. That’s right ladies, never. I hope for our sake it has never worked in a man's favour when he approaches a stranger and says “wanna fuck?” Because times have really changed, and with the times so has dignity.

Now I wouldn’t usually be upset. I get angry and frustrated at the world repeatedly, and I also strongly stand against the claim “she was asking for it”... for you out there narrow minded enough to have the ‘oh yes but what was she wearing’ thought slip into your head. I was proudly sporting this sexy piece of kit.

I have experienced this behaviour since I was 11. A boy pinched my ass when I went to sit on a bench and I had never felt humiliation like it. Everyone laughed and alright, in relative terms, it is just a pinch from a young, probably horny, boy. But he felt, at that age, he had some sort of right to do that. To touch my body without permission and in a suggestive way.

I was also, and this really gets me wound up when I mention it, wolf whistled by builders, on my way to school at 16 years of age… in my school uniform. Yes. That happened ladies and gentlemen.

Since turning 18, clubbing has been something I rarely get to enjoy. I barely drink on nights out so I can stay in control. Not of myself but of wandering hands. A young man once tried his luck at getting his hand up my skirt as I walked past him , to which I told him “fuck off what do you think-” he punched me. Square in the nose. Bruising and fracturing aside, I was left mentally traumatised. Maybe if i’d told him where to shove it nicer would he have not punched me? Should I have just pretended it didn't happen and carry on walking? These questions haunted me for weeks. But this was not my fault.

In a gay club, which I often feel safer in I must say, I experienced probably the most bizarre encounter to date. Two strangers were dancing about a feet away from myself and my fellow partiers. The woman turns to the guy and points at my arse, this continued for some time. I shouted over the music “can I help you?” She replies, “yes, can my friend squeeze your ass?” WHAT THE- “no absolutely not, that’s disgusting you even asked”. When did women start condoning mauling and physical abuse on other women? And maybe THIS is where we are going wrong. People tend to look back/put blame on family history, their upbringing etc but maybe its peers? Maybe it’s women not being clear enough to their male friends. Maybe if we initiate conversations about the do’s and don’ts (mostly don'ts) about pursuing a woman you fancy on a night out. How to not grab her skirt, ask her for a shag, squeeze her ass, whistle her like a dog or follow her down a street is good place to start. Instead of dealing with a problem when it’s happened and too late, we should start talking first, not waiting for our friend to be a drunk imbecile and treat a woman incorrectly, if we bring up the conversations first then maybe, and that’s a big fat maybe, we can start to reprimand the behaviour before it even occurs. Prevention is always better than treatment.

#women #debate